I Donated His Toupee To A Bird Sanctuary

Revenge is a dish best served... orange.

For ten years, Cylina Porcher has been the invisible wife, playing second fiddle to her husband Dex's gym routine and supplement obsession. But when she discovers his hidden burner phone tucked behind a tub of imported protein powder, she uncovers a four-month affair with a thirty-nine-year-old gym rat named Alexis. Instead of crying or confronting him, Cylina decides to hit the forty-four-year-old right where it hurts: his vanity.

Armed with a notebook full of graph paper and her talent for organizing, Cylina orchestrates the perfect, perfectly legal, sabotage. She swaps his expensive gradual tanner for a nine-dollar clearance mousse that turns him the color of a terracotta flowerpot. She gets his VIP gym keycard flagged with a deafening strobe alarm. And for the grand finale? A few carefully placed drops of baby oil on his brand-new, five-thousand-dollar custom hairpiece.

When Dex's hair system goes flying off his head on a treadmill at nine miles an hour—landing stuck to the gym wall in front of his mistress and the entire cardio deck—Cylina's liberation is complete. She donates the expensive toupee to line nesting cups at a local bird sanctuary for a twenty-dollar tax deduction, files for divorce, and buys a twenty-six-foot travel trailer with her half of the equity.

With a new life on the open road and Harvey Jace, the handsome gym manager who loves orphaned finches, riding shotgun, Cylina is ready to prove that life after forty is the ultimate upgrade.