Not My Emotional Support Iguana

HE SAYS THE IGUANA IS FOR HIS ANXIETY. SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHOSE IGUANA IT IS.

When Randy Robinson installs a four-foot emotional support iguana on his wife's sunporch, complete with a $49 certificate signed by a twenty-eight-year-old "reptile reiki practitioner," Gardenia Fontaine Robinson does not scream. She does not cry. She does not call a lawyer.

She says, "Well, isn't he handsome." And she means every terrible thing about it.

Because here is what Randy never learned in twenty-two years of golfing on her family's pecan fortune: Denia has already done the math. A divorce splits the estate and hands him half of everything he never earned. So she isn't going to fight her husband and his moon-water mistress.

She's going to help them.

She funds the mistress's fake certification empire, with paperwork nobody reads. She throws the launch party of the year, with every contract in their names. She hands out business advice like communion, each piece steering them gently toward another felony, and they thank her for every single one, because down South you cannot refuse a gift. That's the whole trick.

And Kevin the iguana, the only honest party in the entire affair, watches it all from his heat lamp, waiting to see who in that big white house deserves him.

By the time the certificates start bouncing off airline gates, Randy and his visionary co-founder will discover what every soul in Haverleigh, Georgia is about to learn at the same delicious moment: nobody was ever fooling the sweet rich wife. The sweet rich wife was the trap. And she wrapped it beautifully.

A complete, laugh-out-loud Southern revenge novella with a mastermind wife you'll want to salute, a husband who thanks her for his own ruin, a warm closed-door second-chance romance with a rumpled country vet who sees exactly what she's doing (and likes her anyway), and the best-behaved iguana at the harvest luncheon. No cliffhanger, no cheating heroine, closed door. Every book in the OH NO HE DIDN'T Chronicles stands completely on its own.